Fondness and Appreciation

 In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman said, “Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect. They cherish each other.”

A way to nurture your fondness and admiration for your spouse is to remember the positive things. This can be done by simply looking back at photo albums and scrapbooks. Another simple thing is to say “thank you” for any little thing your spouse does for you. Or you could make a list of the qualities you love in your spouse. 

One thing that we have done to foster fondness and appreciation is to buy a Christmas ornament for every trip we go on together. Maybe that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is to me. Before I met my husband, I had only ever been to three states: California, Utah, and Idaho (and passing through Nevada and Arizona on the way). I’d always wanted to travel but never had the opportunity. By the time we hit 10 years of marriage we had been to 49 states. Those memories are special for us. And each Christmas as I unwrap the ornaments I am reminded of different moments on each of those trips. Each time, I newly appreciate how much he has opened my world to new experiences and points of views. 

Gottman said, “There are few greater gifts a couple can give each other than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood.” This happens when we spend time with our spouse. Time to talk, time to listen, and time to share. For us, that time comes most when we travel, leaving the stress of daily life behind.