Natural Man is an enemy to marriage

In the introduction of H. Wallace Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, he states that as a youth he spent his time annoying and battling his siblings. This was probably part of our own natural survival instinct. Yet, Goddard realized that those survival instincts did not help create a healthy marriage relationship. Quite the opposite.

So, how do we overcome those natural tendencies?

In the Book of Mormon we read “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)

I know very well that in today’s world some of those words have a negative connotation attached to them. Below I have also compared the natural man traits to those of a spiritual man, with added definitions.

Natural Man            Spiritual Man

· defiant                · submissive (able to conform to authority or will of others)

· arrogant              · meek (quiet, gentle)

· superior               · humble (modest estimate of own importance, teachable)

· impatient            · patient (accept or tolerate delays, problems or suffering)

· contempt            · full of love

· refuse to submit  · willing to submit

Now read that list again, this time thinking about how those words (or attitudes) can affect a marriage relationship.

The natural man marriage would never survive. Too often we think that being submissive and meek is a sign of weakness. However, it is a willingness to work with others. An acknowledgment that we may not have all the answers. Marriage is a partnership. An equal partnership. Partners cannot make decisions together unless they are willing to listen to the other’s thoughts, and open to the possibility that the thought may be better than your own.

I found it very interesting that both Goddard and John M. Gottman (in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) mentioned the difference between circumstance and character. When something goes wrong or our expectations are not met we generally have two reactions. We either excuse it as a matter of circumstance or situations (“he’s under a lot of stress right now”) or we blame a person’s character (“he’s lazy and selfish”). The actions were the same, but how we viewed it was different.

That difference is love. I believe it is our love of God, our love for our fellowman, and our love for our spouse that will help us to put off those natural tendencies. When we are full of love we can work with our spouse to make a better life together. I have found in my own marriage that when I am full of love for my spouse I am more forgiving, more compassionate, more willing to do things that will make him happy.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, “True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us.” (General Conference, “The Great Commandment,” October 2007)