Fidelity

Growing up in the LDS church, we are taught the law of chastity from a young age. We are taught “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). This means abstinence before marriage and complete fidelity in marriage. 

I think most people understand what it means to obey the law of chastity when you are single. But what about when you are married? What exactly does fidelity mean?

Fidelity is faithfulness to a person demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support. 

Fidelity is more than just not having sex with someone other than your spouse. D&C 42:22-23 reads, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit."

President Ezra Taft Benson said, “What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with all your devotion.” (“To the Fathers in Israel,” Ensign, Nov. 1987)

President Spencer W. Kimball said, “The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.” (Faith Precedes the Miracle, 142–43.)

“Fidelity includes refraining from physical contact—but that is not all. Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife. Inappropriate interactions with another person can erode fidelity.” (Kenneth W. Matheson, “Fidelity in Marriage,” Ensign, Sep. 2009)

I remember early in my marriage, I often turned to my mother for support, for advice, and to talk about my day. My husband was busy working and going to graduate school. I felt I wasn’t getting enough time, so I turned to my mother for companionship and support. This did not improve our marriage. Those simple conversations with my mother quickly turned into complaints and nitpicking of my spouse. What I thought was meeting my needs (someone to talk to) was causing a separation in my marriage. I was not being respectful of my husband in my conversations with others. I was not being loyal to him and not fostering peace in our relationship. 

Now, we turn toward each other for companionship and support. It not always easy. I usually have a lot to say and he is not naturally inclined to listen. But we work it out. We try to be transparent to each other in all our doings, especially regarding conversations with the opposite sex. This has fostered loyalty, trust, and peace in our marriage. Maybe those words are not romantic, but they create a firm foundation.